White People

Last night, whilst at dinner at the very tasty restaurant 'ABC Kitchen'  we overheard a few of our American friends talking about the phenomenon of www.stuffwhitepeoplelike.com . Of course the following day we couldn’t resist visiting the website….and after many laughs we are very happy to recommend it to you for some great insight onto what makes White People of the Planet Earth so unique..

Here’s an excerpt:

‘White people can do powerful things with their eyes: casting judgment, indicating scorn, and obnoxiously rolling them when someone says something they don’t agree with. Yet in spite of these powers, they are not immune to the dangers of the sun. So white people must wear sunglasses. But what may surprise you is that while white people will spend upwards of three months finding a perfect pair of unique prescription glasses, they have no such requirement for sunglasses.’

iKoNs approves!

Spy Capitalism..

So…in time for Angelina Jolie’s movie Salt there has been lots of espionage drama happening. Let’s examine the two occurrences that really show us that the Hollywood movie script writers have a better grip on good spies, then their real life compatriots. (Unless all this is actually one giant marketing campaign for the movie)

First thing to mention: 11 Russian spies caught in America. And I quote  The Financial Times no less when I say that this story is  ‘like a spy novel from 50 years ago, with 21st century computer problems.’ It’s pretty embarrassing for poor mother Russia. I don’t think Agent Salt would allow something like this to happen. But fair enough, it’s Russia, we drink too much, it’s o.k, its normal.

What is more interesting is the news that it turns out that since 2007 our dear friend Osama Bin Laden has been dead. Very dead, from a pancreas disease. And yet he remained on American Most Wanted list for three years thereafter. Of course there is a version that American Intelligence knew that he was dead all along, but maintained that he is alive for their propaganda reasons. May be so, but imagine if not?

So where does that leave us? Probably at the fact that the all the good spies these days work in Hollywood, writing scripts, because that is where the money is. That’s capitalism for you.

Oh how times have changed...part 2

Legally Speaking...

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?

ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ.

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid!

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?

And last:
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

Oh how times have changed...

Can you do the same thing with potato?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dut1b--AgLM

Yaguar Magic!

If our readers will remember, a few months ago we posted an obscure video of Peter Nalitch's Gitar Gitar Gitar, come to my Yaguar.....

Well now...He is the finalist for Russia for Eurovision 2010...don't ask how..don't ask why...but point is we think he represents Russia perfectly.

And you know what else?? We now understand why he's never been CLEVER...because he need it NEVER! he's HOT!...

Here are two links to his musical masterpieces!

Come to My Yaguar Super Hit!

The Eurovision Semi Final..they cleaned him up nicely!

We hope he wins!!

Genius Children of America

We found these amazing pieces of intelligence on Huffington Post. We'd like to dedicate all this brilliance to those of our readers that have just finished their education this month.

Let the Summer begin!!!!!!!

Tattoo artist gone wild..

Last night we went to an opening of a show by Scott Campbell. He's a brilliant tattoo artist, and has now ventured into non-body art. Our favorite works were sculptures made of plaster (?) dollar bills. iK0Ns appreciates the humor!

Sexy Times...

Man admits having sex with 1,000 cars

Edward Smith, who lives with his current "girlfriend" – a white Volkswagen Beetle named Vanilla, insisted that he was not "sick" and had no desire to change his ways.

"I appreciate beauty and I go a little bit beyond appreciating the beauty of a car only to the point of what I feel is an expression of love," he said.

"Maybe I'm a little bit off the wall but when I see movies like Herbie and Knight Rider, where cars become loveable, huggable characters it's just wonderful.

"I'm a romantic. I write poetry about cars, I sing to them and talk to them just like a girlfriend. I know what's in my heart and I have no desire to change."

He added: "I'm not sick and I don't want to hurt anyone, cars are just my preference."

Mr Smith, 57, first had sex with a car at the age of 15, and claims he has never been attracted to women or men.

But his wandering eye has spread beyond cars to other vehicles. He says that his most intense sexual experience was "making love" to the helicopter from 1980s TV hit Airwolf.

As well as Vanilla, he regularly spends time with his other vehicles – a 1973 Opal GT, named Cinnamon, and 1993 Ford Ranger Splash, named Ginger.

Before Vanilla, he had a five-year relationship with Victoria, a 1969 VW Beetle he bought from a family of Jehovah's Witnesses.

But he confesses that many of the cars he has had sex with have belonged to strangers or car showrooms.

His last relationship with a woman was 12 years ago - and he could not bring himself to consummate it, although he did have sex with girls in his younger days.

Mr Smith, from Washington state in the US, kept quiet about his secret fetish for years, but agreed to be interviewed as part of a channel Five documentary into “mechaphilia”. He is shown meeting other enthusiasts at a rally in California

Talking about how his unusual passion developed, Mr Smith said: "It's something that grew as a part of me when I was a kid and I could not shake it.

"I just loved cute cars right from the beginning, but over the years it got stronger once I got into my teenage years and was my first having sexual urges.

"When I turned 13 and the famous Corvette Stingray came about, that car was pure sex and just an incredible machine. I wanted it.

"I didn't fully understand it myself except that I know I'm not hurting anyone and I do not intend to."

He added: "There are moments way out in the middle of nowhere when I see a little car parked and I swear it needs loving.

"There have been certain cars that attracted me and I would wait until night time, creep up to them and just hug and kiss them.

"As far as women go, they never really interested me much. And I'm not gay.”

Mr Smith is now part of a global community of more than 500 “car lovers” brought together by internet forums.

Courtesy of telegraph.uk